I'm ba-ack! Wow my last posting here was in April and how things have changed since that time. If you read my last post entitled "The Price They Pay", you would see that back then I had a wife and obviously some hope of staying with her through my transition. In that post I said in reference to spouses of TGs, and my wife in particular, that, "We owe them our understanding and gratitude no matter how they must proceed with their own lives." Well... she has proceeded with her life and that happens to be seperate from me. Does it hurt? Yes it does very much. I've so far not made it through a day without breaking into tears at least once. A song comes on the radio, or I see an item from her, or a place we use to go, or I just have a thought or a memory, and on comes the waterworks. Am I bitter, or angry? On an emotional level, yes, but intellectually, no, not at all. I do realize that just like me she was caught up in a circumstance beyond her control. She did not ask to fall in love with a transsexual, she wasn't prepared for what that might entail and I certainly failed in letting her know what she was in for. I did have full intentions to "tough it out" for the entirety of my life and I told her as much. I was an absolute fool; little did I know that I just could not do it, that just wishing for normalcy and trying to distract myself from the problem does not make it go away.
Anyway, I am on my own now, minus wife and children. I still get my kids on the weekends and my wife and I are still friends, it's just now we're just friends whose lives have taken seperate paths. Since I have a little extra time now, I can get back to learning Blogger and making some friends here. I have remained somewhat active on 360, YouTube, and MySpace over the past months and some of you may know me from there already so if I get repetative on you here, please forgive me. Here is a YouTube post I made recently. It might kind of explain where I've come from and where I am now. I know I look hideous in this video, but that was a hard morning following a sleepless night swimming in tears. We don't always wake up pretty, do we?
PS Thanks Chloe for your advice in taming my hair and kind words. And watch my other YouTube vids if you want to see me at least try to look better.