When I was a tiny trannie music buoyed my soul, carried me through dispair so often. And as is the intention of songwriters, I identified with the voice of the songs I so loved. One song stood out, though, as something more than just shared feelings, it came across to me as almost a memory I hadn't lived yet. It was a song that caused me to weep every time I heard it, but they were never bitter tears, just soft, melty tears as if I was gently dissolving into the universe. That song was "Killing Me Softly". I was a romantic at heart, even as young as I was, maybe sixish years old. When I heard that song I felt it, I wanted it. I wanted to be "killed softly". I felt I was truly there, truly in that place and I felt, at once, so wonderful and so sad. I grew up with that song and the feeling that one day a man would "strum my pain with his fingers and sing my life with his word." I didn't know how, I just knew. Now, my life half past, I have finally met that man and though he was not a musician in a park, his effect was every bit as profound. I truly did feel "he found my letters and read each one out loud." And I got so wrapped up in living with that in my life, the feeling like I was truly "known" for once in my life, that I neglected to remember how the song ends. The way I knew it would happen, the way I "remembered" it happening. She went home, alone, to weep gently with only memories so soft and sweet, knowing that man was never hers.
So, what the hell is Kynni-chemy anyway? Kynni-Chemy is the alchemy I apply to myself, Kyndra (Kynni). And as you may know alchemy is the ancient pursuit of changing lead into gold; transformation. I am in the process of transforming myself into someone a little more, someone who feels whole and complete, and in a sense, golden. So who is Kyndra? Well I'm a lifetime TS who is late to bloom. I spent my entire life cowering, timid and afraid and have finally decided after nearly 40yrs. that it is time to finally be me, or at least as much of me as I can achieve. The little girl that was always me, who had to reside for decades only in my mind as if she were confined to a dank dungeon for crimes unknown, behind an iron door well guarded by society's theocon vanguards, is finally free now. The door has rusted off it's hinges and fallen open, it's guards aged and irrelevant no longer have the power to keep me from skipping out into the light! And that golden light of freedom of self is where I intend to dwell from now on.